To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, and be nothing.”
-Elbert Hubbard
“Hit me with the facts. Give it to me straight. Just let it out.”
This is what I say to people when I’m hoping to receive some feedback from them about an idea I’ve had or about my performance.
“Ow! Not so hard! Why did you say that?!”
And that’s my response after someone gives it to me straight. While I’m fighting back tears and mentally preparing a resignation letter, I pause and think, “Well, at least I know. Now what do I do with this?”
Feedback can be tough to receive, even when we ask for it. No matter how delicately the person puts it, there are automatic defensive walls that begin to rise when they bring up a point that strikes a chord. Our students, colleagues, evaluators, families, and administrators will offer us feedback in many forms – it’s coming whether you want it or not.
It’s funny that we, as teachers, offer so much feedback to students on their learning and behaviors. But what should we as educators do with the feedback when we get it?
Here are my options, as I see it:
- Fight the Feedback: Disagree with the other person.
- Fix the Feedback: Add to or qualify the perspective that the other person is coming from. “They’re not wrong, but they’re not seeing the whole picture…”
- Acknowledge the Feedback: Understand the information and acknowledge that it’s accurate and worth paying attention to.
- Embrace the Feedback: Beyond acknowledging the accuracy of the feedback, using the information as a catalyst to change and improve ourselves.
Let’s look a little closer at each of these, and ideally come away with a plan for how to get ourselves, despite our own little mental resistance, to embrace the feedback.
“Fight the Feedback”…(Yeah, Don’t Do This)
One of our initial responses to any kind of feedback may be to argue with it. Our self-conception may tell us how effective we’ve been, how hard we’ve worked, and maybe how everyone else isn’t measuring up to the standard we set.
And then the feedback comes…WHAM! Is this person out of their mind? Don’t they see all the value I bring? Don’t they recognize why I do things that way? Don’t they realize how this is not my fault?
Whether we say it in person or just think it in our heads, we may be tempted to fight back against the feedback presented to us. This means that not only do we reject the feedback; we actively push it away from ourselves, denying any degree of reality that may be embedded in it.
This is an emotional reaction. Do not allow your emotions, however strong, to drive the response. It is natural that your initial gut feeling might be to push away negative feedback, but making a habit of this means that you are closing yourself off to the opportunity to see yourself from someone else’s perspective.
“Fix the Feedback” – Our Attempt to Accept Only the Parts We Like
A slightly more dignified version of fighting the feedback is to try to adjust the feedback we hear. This is where we acknowledge a grain of truth here or there within it, but only on our terms.
When we fix the feedback, we might find ourselves saying,
- “That’s partially true, but…”
- “Let me give you the whole story…”
- “But what you aren’t recognizing is…”
- “You don’t know what it’s really like…”
- “You would say that because…”
Each of these phrases is an attempt to re-brand the feedback into a more palatable form. It’s an attempt to explain why the feedback giver says what they say, but to draw that person as someone who is only working with limited – and therefore faulty – information.
This isn’t an outright rejection of the feedback, so we tell ourselves. But this response to feedback is more of an exercise in justification of our behaviors rather than an attempt to learn something new.
Acknowledging the Feedback – Getting Closer to Making Something of It
Now you’re really onto something. You’ve gotten over the initial bristle of resistance your emotions have to feedback. You’ve taken a deep breath and somehow managed to nod slowly. Great job. You’ve begun acknowledging feedback.
When you acknowledge feedback, you are recognizing there is truth in the message. And instead of fighting that truth you’re actually open to it. You nod warmly when receiving the information. You might even say “Thank you for the feedback” when it’s delivered.
While this might sound like a good response at first, this ends up being a very middle-of-the-road kind of reaction to feedback. “Acknowledging” does not imply action or change. You could “acknowledge” you have room for improvement; you could also “acknowledge” your shirt is on fire. This doesn’t mean you are making anything of the feedback…yet.
On the surface someone who acknowledges the feedback might look and feel the same as someone who embraces it. But if you’re only acknowledging feedback, then you are not doing something with it. And as we’ll see, it’s this last step that really counts.
Embracing the Feedback – Try to Get Here
Embracing feedback means that you’ve gotten to the point where you wrap your arms around the feedback, take a determined breath, and ask yourself, “Great…now what do I do with this?”
You’re not trying to fight or explain the information you’re receiving. You’re not even trying to quietly nod and go back to what you were doing anyway. You are ready to full on make something new happen based on the information you’ve gotten. Great job!
There are a few simple steps people who embrace the feedback will likely take to make the most of the info:
- Ask questions for more info and clarity.
- Write it down.
- Reflect on what it implies.
- Make decisions for what to change or improve.
- Take action to implement those changes.
How to Embrace the Feedback
The first step to being the type of person who embraces the feedback is to tell yourself, “No matter what I hear, I will do my best to use it to make me a better person.”
It is not easy to embrace feedback. Our initial reactions are far more likely to be ones of defensiveness and anger. But brace yourself for this response, get over it, and move on.
Instead of fighting the feedback, ask yourself, “Why am I having this reaction?” Remember that accepting your shortcomings and acknowledging your flaws are essential for living authentically. If you’re not willing to face some hard facts about how others see you, that may mean you’re having a hard time accepting yourself as you are. You’ve built up some serious defensive walls, and it may be worth it to ask yourself what you’re protecting behind them.
Instead of fixing the feedback, remind yourself, “Sometimes the only way to get perspective about what needs to change comes from an outside perspective. Yes, believe it or not, there is often a gap between who we desire and think we are presenting to the world, and the way others see us.” When you dilute someone else’s perspective with your own – no matter how complete or accurate you feel like your two cents makes it – you are accepting only a mitigated portion of what you may have to learn.
Instead of acknowledging the feedback, push yourself to do something with it. Ask yourself where the feedback goes once you have it. Does it go into your drawer, with a stack of other forgettable items, looked at with distant approval from time to time? Or does it go on your wall, prominently displayed, with permission to shout at you, “Do something with me!”
You’re Going to Get Feedback as an Educator
Just face it from now: you’re going to get feedback in education. You’ll get it when you ask for it. You’ll get it when you least expect it. Your challenge is to take time right now and form a conviction about how you’re going to respond to it when it comes.
Decide from this moment – before the feedback is upon you – how you’re going to react to the students, colleagues, parents, evaluators, and administrators who offer you feedback.
Organizational psychologist, author, and podcaster Adam Grant reminds us that feedback is a critical component of our continued growth and success. “But if you look at the data, one of the biggest drivers of success, if you account for how motivated you are and you know how talented you are, is your ability to seek and use negative feedback,” says Grant. “Because that really determines how close to your potential you become.”
Grant and other experts give one further recommendation for how to respond to feedback: ASK FOR IT! It helps you control and brace for the feedback a little more. You can ask for feedback on specific elements, and you can prepare yourself in advance for receiving it since you know that it’s coming.
“If you never get criticized, then you never really get challenged to improve.”
-Adam Grant
A 2016 study on how teachers take feedback summarizes, “Correlational analysis finds that teachers’ responses to feedback are related to their perceptions of four characteristics: the usefulness of the feedback, the accuracy of the feedback, the credibility of their evaluator, and their access to resources.” These all sound like valuable reasons for how to respond to feedback offered.
I would challenge this further, though. To me, if someone offers any sort of feedback, I have to acknowledge, “There was something about my performance that caused them to have this impression. Whether I agree with them or not, this is a chance for me to reflect on my own behaviors that led to this impression.”
To me, all feedback is credible to the extent that it creates an opportunity for further reflection, growth, and dialogue.
How do you take feedback as an educator and use it to help you grow? Share your thoughts and experiences with us all by leaving a comment below!