Ten Tips and a Little Reassurance on Having Your Kids Home from School
As many parents of school-aged children have recently been told – school will NOT be in regular session for the weeks ahead! Don’t worry. It will be okay.
If you’re like most parents, you’re not exactly breathing a sigh of relief and write a thank-you letter to the coronavirus. School provides a certain rhythm and structure to our lives. We send our children there, know their caring teachers educate them while we work, and receive them at the end of the afternoon.
But once school is taken out of the picture, we suddenly don’t have that pace and structure to our family’s day. Sure, summer break interrupts this rhythm of the day, but at least we expect it! Our current school closure is NOT something we anticipated. So what do we do?
Take heart. There is no perfect plan. There is no script any of us are following. There is no one family who “has it all together.” Parents everywhere must band together and help one another answer one simple question:
“How is it possible to carry on their schooling, keep them entertained, and avoid everything breaking down into a chaotic nightmare?!!”
Take a deep breath and relax. We can do this. While I don’t have all the answers, as long-time educators and parents of four typical kids, my wife and I do have a few helpful tips.
Tip #1: Kids Like Structure and Expectations.
We all like knowing what’s going on and having a little sense of predictability and control. It’s worth it to sit down and write out, as big as possible, what the structure to the day is going to be.
There’s nothing worse than having hours and hours on end with no sense of direction or purpose. Kids LOVE the notion of “There is something I should be doing now.” This is what makes a classroom so functional – an order and agenda. The teacher can say, “Now it is time for…” and suddenly an otherwise disordered moment has a goal.
So imitate the classroom. When is meal time? When should they do their learning? When will they be expected to play? When is screen time?
Here’s a sample of what our family put together. My wife and I drafted some ideas, got the kids’ input, and fleshed out this sheet that now hangs on our fridge.
Remember that kids LIKE having structure to their day. It is not an imposition on them, it is a gift. Yes, they will absolutely chafe against the expectations at time, but they will ultimately have a more fulfilling, productive, and memorable day. And YOU will too!
Tip #2: Keep Designated Snack and Meal Times
It’s a fact: When we have lots of time on our hands, we gravitate towards the pantry. Our kids will constantly be asking, “Can I have a snack?” and we’ll be shouting back at them, “You just ate! How could you possibly want a snack again?!”
This is why it’s important to have designated times for eating. All they have to do is consult the schedule, check the clock, and wait until the apportioned time arrives.
This also helps you by giving you a timeframe to fall back on. Of course they’re going to ask you all the time to eat. But instead of making a decision every time they ask the question, all you have to do is tell them, “No, lunch isn’t until 11:30. It’s not lunch time yet.”
Tip #3: Screen Time is Okay. For the Love of God, it is OKAY.
We are spending some long days together. I just want to tell you that allowing your kids to watch TV, play their favorite video game, or sing along with Frozen 2 on Disney+ for the hundredth time is okay. You are not a bad parent.
Sure, we can admit that this is more screen time than they’d probably have if they were at school. But a little extra time on a screen isn’t going to kill them. It might actually stop you from wanting to kill them.
Tip #4: Give Yourself Permission. Everyone needs a little time and space.
Let’s just get it out there: being together as a family in the home with nowhere to go can be a draining experience. Carve out a portion – or hey, multiple portions – of your day where you can say, “If you value your life, do NOT interrupt me.”
Give yourself permission to take a break. This might mean that you close your bedroom door and take a nap. Maybe you read in your favorite chair. Maybe you veg out to that Netflix series you’ve been trying to binge on.
You are actually a better parent when you make sure you’re taking time for yourself. You’ll come out of your break more patient, composed, and ready to engage with your kids in the next part of your day.
Tip #5: Boredom Never Hurt
“What should I do? There’s nothing to do!” In our age of around-the-clock entertainment, we think of boredom as a vice. But it’s not.
The Atlantic summarized that boredom can in fact lead to some great thinking.“By encouraging contemplation and daydreaming, it can spur creativity.” In short, when you’re bored, there’s nothing to do except create with your mind. Daydreaming, mind wandering, and aimless activity start slow, but can generate some very exciting activities.
Just try it with your kids. If they have some free time to play but aren’t sure what to do, don’t give into the my-parent-needs-to-entertain-me trap. Instead, just calmly tell them to go find something to do. Within minutes, they are very likely to have found something to do.
Tip #6: Do Something NEW.
Now that the school year routine has been disrupted, you all have some time on your hands. While much of this time can be filled in with familiar school and home activities, now is the perfect time to try something out of the ordinary, too.
Is there something you’ve always wanted to do with your kids but never had the time? Do you want to show them how to cook? Start a YouTube channel as a family? Workout together? Try new family games? Learn how to dance?
You have permission to get a little crazy.
Encourage your kids to think of something they take a personal interest in, and then do it. The novelty will be exciting and break up the ordinary pace of the school year. And hey, maybe now is the right time to think of something you’ve always been interested in as well.
I’m very excited to see what new skills and knowledge Americans of all ages will have once our normal course of life resumes!
Tip #7: Remind Yourself, “I Am Not Alone.”
Repeat it to yourself 5 times right now.
Remember that you are just one of millions of families affected by our social response to the coronavirus. The fact that you’re reading this shows you that there are other families out there living alongside you, thinking the same thoughts, struggling the same struggles.
Reach out and connect. Use your social media, your texting, your FaceTime, your search engines to find the people and resources who can continue to fuel you during this time and commiserate with your experiences.
It is important for all of our health and wellbeing that while we might feel somewhat isolated, we maintain connections with friends, family, and peers worldwide.
This is important for your kids, too. Maybe they can’t have their friends over to play, but that doesn’t mean they can’t interact at all with them. What tools do you have at your disposal to encourage their connections to others as well?
Tip #8: Talk to Your Kids’ Teachers.
I heard someone say teachers must be glad to have a little time off. Let’s clear something up right now: THEY ARE NOT GLAD. This release from the school day has none of the end-of-year pageantry or we’ll-see-you-after-the-break magic.
As schools transition to eLearning platforms, many teachers are electronically providing students with materials, tasks, and communications to keep their learning moving forward. No one will say this is an ideal system. But it is a system, and it’s important for you to see your child’s teacher as an integral part of your circle.
Our teachers care about our kids, and the fact that they are apart from them right now is a painful experience. But be assured – they are standing by and ready to help with your child’s learning, even if it is from a distance. Ask questions, request materials, seek guidance. They are the professionals who work with our kids every day, and they will doubtlessly have ideas and advice we can all benefit from.
Tip #9: See This as an Opportunity.
Try to look at the bright side. The sudden, dramatic shift in how we operate as a society has definitely thrown us for a loop…BUT this also opens up new opportunities and perspectives we might never have noticed.
We take a lot of important things for granted. What does this give you the opportunity to be grateful for?
We complain about not having enough time. What will you do with this time that you now have?
We will tell future generations about “that time we were all home due to the coronavirus.” What do we want our children’s memories from this to be?
Tip #10: No One Is Perfect.
There is no one way of doing things that will make everything better. No one is sitting at home with their families right now thinking, “I’m having the time of my life!” No parent is thinking, “Every moment we’ve shared as a family over the long days together has been charming and magical!”
Let’s be real. There are arguments. Messes. Mistakes. Chaos. Tears. Uncertainty. Boredom. Loneliness.
We are only human. We are all only doing the best job we can. If you feel like things are tough, that’s because they are. No one is perfect.
Let’s lean on each other during this time.
