“Treat people as though they were what they ought to be, and you will help them become what they are capable of being.”
-Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
When some folks think of classroom management, they may be thinking about seating charts, rules and expectations, discipline referrals, and an I’m-the-boss-and-I-won’t-smile-until-Christmas attitude.
But one of the greatest secrets of classroom management is that you don’t need to rely on any of these tactics.
The real secret ingredient to successfully managing a room full of unique individuals: like them. Genuinely like them, and the management and learning will follow.
Classroom Management Matters, Of Course
People can be hesitate to bring up classroom management. “Management” feels manipulative, as though students are being duped or coerced into acting in accordance with the teacher’s wishes. It may bring to mind an assembly of compliant workers or a hive of automatons who are busy but mindless. This is definitely NOT what classroom management should presuppose.
Instead, classroom management simply refers to how teachers take a room full of unique and energetic children and help them make the most of the learning opportunity there. Classroom management absolutely MUST be discussed and mastered – it’s not easy getting dozens of squirrely youths to contribute to a successful learning environment!
Effective classroom management means that students respect one another and the purpose of the time and space they share together. They make positive use of their time together and of the instructions and resources their teachers provide.
Poor management leads to disrespect and lost opportunities. Students are more prone to distraction, disruption, and ineffective use of their time towards their goals.
So of course good classroom management matters, and it all starts with one simple dynamic…
Why Liking Your Students Is What Counts the Most in Classroom Management
It’s simple. Just like your students. Have a positive regard towards them. Believe that their time with you means something, and take an interest in taking who they are today and who they’ll become for tomorrow.
Why does liking your students lead to better classroom management? It’s almost self-evident: how do you respond to someone who likes you? It feels good, doesn’t it?
When I feel like someone likes me, I want to do the things that maintain and improve that perception. I am far more prone to do the very behaviors that will continue to earn and enhance their approval of me. I am far less likely to do something that would disappoint them or give them a reason to lessen their regard for me.
Here are some of the outcomes that stem from liking your students:
- Students do not want to disappoint someone who genuinely cares about them.
- When students understand you approve of them, they are more open to developing a relationship. They trust you, and make themselves available to be guided.
- If you believe in them, they will believe in themselves.
- They will feel more comfortable and accepted, and might even look forward to being there with you.
- Students begin to see themselves in the positive way they are seen by their teacher, acting in accordance with that social expectation.
In studies on teacher-student relationships in the classroom, relationship-based approaches centered on“establishing, maintaining, and restoring relationships” have proven to increase engagement and decrease disruptive or distracted behaviors.
Notice that this does NOT mean that students have to like you. It would be nice if they did, and they are far more likely to do so if they feel liked by you first. There is no reason for a teacher to maintain a negative disposition towards a student or a class; students are far less likely to enjoy the content or work for an individual they feel does NOT like them.
When students feel like you want what is best for them, they are more likely to work towards where you’re leading them even if they don’t entirely agree. They at least contribute to the respect and decorum necessary for your environment, knowing that you are not “out to get them” but that you like them and like when they contribute positively to the time and space that you share.
I Made This Little Chart to Map Out the Impact of Your Disposition Towards Students
You CANNOT control how students see you. But you can ENTIRELY CONTROL how you see your students.
Notice that when you like your students, no matter what their disposition towards you is, they will steadily increase their belief in themselves and their buy-in to your standards and environment.
| You like your students | You are neutral towards your students | You don’t like your students | |
| Students like you | This is the golden connection: students feel like you believe in them and they respond by basking the warmth of your relationship and guidance. | Not a bad set up, but could be better. It’s nice to be liked, but there may be missed opportunity here. | I’m not sure why they like you. This is not destined to last as tension and enmity may grow, turning even positively inclined students away from you. |
| Students are neutral towards you | Not every student will connect with you, but they at least see that you believe in your time together and they will go along with your standards and expectations, even if they are high. | You all will get through the year, and students will get something out of it. But the door is left open to potential conflict and misunderstandings if there’s no attempt to connect with one another. | Having a negative disposition towards your students will steadily tip the scales away from you. Students may complete tasks in a mechanical manner, but not get much more out of their time with you as their guide. Acting out or being disrespectful may not seem like a problem to them. |
| Students don’t like you | Well, at first students might not respond to you well. But you refuse to give them a reason to act out or be dismissive of your class, and they will steadily be compelled to at least show the minimum of respect and productivity. | You’re not giving them a reason to believe in you, as it is evident you don’t really believe in them. Your dispositions towards one another are not likely to produce meaningful learning. | This is a disaster waiting to happen. It’s going to be a long year. |
(These are just my thoughts. What do you think about this little table and the classroom management outcomes stemming from us liking our students?)
No matter how I look at it, liking students and have an unalterably positive regard for them cannot go wrong. At the least, students will respect the environment that respects them. At the most, they’ll thrive in a way that may be impossible in other contexts.
And best of all, this is well within our control. We cannot change students’ minds or control their behavior, but we can take charge of the kind of environment we facilitate for them.
Always remember: Building relationships IS classroom management! And great classroom management all begins with simply liking your students.